Wishing someone would just say it was going to be okay. Someone to hold me, my hand, try to make it go away. 

Letting things get in the way of what’s important. What’s right, what to do. Is it you against me? Or me against you? Or are we on the same team? Is there something that I’m missing…

Trying to sort out my thoughts, what I feel. Somehow never comes out right. I have no words that are correct.

It seems as though, even if I repeat myself, even if I stand up for myself, even if my words are clear, the message still doesn’t come through…is still ignored. Feels as though it’s something I’ll never escape. So where do I go? Where do I run? Can’t think straight.

I thought writing my thoughts would help, but it hasn’t. I guess I’m just at a loss.

I cannot mask the loneliness inside my heartI’ve decided I’ll be better on the other sideCannot erase what has been felt my whole lifeI try, but failI now know this is my destinyMy fate, for I cannot make this go awayHere comes the bowling ball ready to knock me overHere comes the tornado ready to sweep me awayHere comes the storm ready to drown meHere comes the world ready to exile meI’m broken, pieces never to be found
So I lie here as my being is never to be wholeI sink into a shell of what I believe is to be myselfUncertainty, wandering translucent ghost forever walkingTrying to find a wayImpossibleWhen does alone end?When does the pounding in my chest begin?When will the knocking in my head settle in?When will I find a placea place where I belong?
So I lie here as my being is never to be whole

I wrote something, but decided it was too sad to share.

I have a life too.

Thanks.

karlcalv:

jessebarrera:

THIS WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY!!!

12.08 - CHAIN REACTION - ANAHEIM, CA (www.allages.com) FOR TIX
12.10 - THE EPICENTRE - SAN DIEGO, CA (www.epicentreconcerts.com) FOR TIX

SPREAD THE WORD! 

Going to see them instead of going to SUHI Culture Night.  It’s only because I have a ride to this and not Culture Night.  I’d like to go to both though =P.

 FUCK YES FUCK YES FUCK YES! <3

I knew you’d leave. So thanks.

Don’t even bother. Please.

I was going to write this big long thing about how much YOU guys suck,

BUT

now I don’t give a fuck.

I’m happy! :D

Between you, my brother, and my favorite artist, not very much can keep me staying down.

So thank you<3

So basically, thanks for making it possible to stay intact, sane, calm, throughout all this shit I’ve been putting up with.

Thanks for being there, letting me cry, letting me know you’re here by my side, understanding, listening.

Thanks for making this all worth it for once.

Sometimes, I really don’t know what I’d do without you.

You fill in all these gaps in my heart. I just know there’s something right here.

Hey Alex,

I love you <3

I love how you ask all these things of me. I listen to every damn word you say. I’ve done every fuckin thing you’ve told me.

But you can’t listen to me when I’m trying to tell you something IMPORTANT. You don’t understand me when it’s NECESSARY. You don’t listen to my opinions with an OPEN MIND. Did I fucking say I wasn’t going to? NO. NO. NO. NO. I fucking didn’t! So shut the fuck up and listen for one sec, cause really? It’s not hard.

By the way, it’s my opinion. I’m not changing my damn mind just because you think I should. These are my beliefs.

Stop telling me “at least.” At least what?! At least I’m miserable? At least I’m not happy? At least I’ve had you here my whole life? Oh wait, I haven’t.

FUCK THAT.

Seriously though, fuck this shit.

I’m so over it.

You don’t know me. Leave me the fuck alone.

Kay?

You’re the ones who don’t understand a damn thing.